Commitment

As she walked away, she looked back at him and saw how sad he was. She had just rejected him, and it was through no fault of his. It was, ironically, that he was almost too good a catch. She felt that she wasn’t ready for a long-term commitment, and he wasn’t the type you’d play around with; he was for the long-haul. She felt he deserved better; she felt she deserved different, at least for now.

“You know,” she told me once, “I like to look at relationships in terms of life-cycle stage, and not in terms of age. Like what we learn in marketing.”

I looked at her, not quite knowing what she meant.

She continued, “like how some people get married late, and have children late. And so they may be 40, but are in the stage of their life where they’re considered ‘first-time parents’, while others may be 20, and in the same stage of their life: ‘first-time parents’, too. You know what I mean?”

I hadn’t quite grasped the concept at that time, but I nodded to encourage her to speak further.

Looking at me, she said, “I’m at this stage of my life where I just want to… ‘play’.” She looked away, embarrassed.

But I understood. At least I thought I did.

She added, “he’s like, one for the future. And that future’s not now. Not for me anyway.”

Life Updates

I’ve been driving non-stop over the past few days. Oh ,and just two days ago I drove into Johor, my virgin attempt at driving in Malaysia! (lalala… like a virgin… for the very first time! lalala…)

Okay, please do ignore the reference to the Madonna song above, I’m trying to inject some slapstick humour into my site (I’m new to it, like a virgin (for the very first time! lalala…))

Singapore

Right. Have been quite occupied running errands and catching up with people. But these will soon come to an end. There are only so many errands to run, and only that many people to catch up with. Thankfully boredom has never been a problem with me. I can entertain myself with books and computer scripting just as much as I can get entertained by guys and (especially) girls. Which says something about how entertaining the people I hang out with are, but I’d rather not go into the details.

eDonn.com

I’m thinking of redoing eDonn.com. My long awaited port to Drupal is still in the works, but somehow I just haven’t gotten that push to get started on it since I arrived in Singapore. For now, I’ll just stick with WordPress.

Love

As always, I am as lost on love as I have always been. Perhaps even more so now. But I think when it comes to the affairs of the heart, que sera sera, whatever will be, will be. Worse-case scenario, I’ll just be the next George Clooney (at least I’ve got the looks and charm part down, ha!)

Well, that’s it. For now.

Getting in Line, Anyway

She tells him he’d have to take a ticket and wait in line, just like the rest of the guys in front of him.

He presses the button, and a ticket comes out.

“It says ‘one’,” he says to her, thinking that the number on the ticket he had gotten should have been much larger, judging from the number of people already in line.

She says nothing, but smiles.

With great patience, he gets in line, behind all the others who were already there.

“What are you doing?” she asks.

“Getting in line,” he replies.

“I thought you said your number was ‘one’?”

“Yes. Yes it is. But these people came before me.”

“Come here,” she says, signaling him over with her finger.

She continues, “stand here. You got the number ‘one’, so you stand here. Got it?”

“Yes. I think I got it,” he says. She smiles again.

He looks at the guy in front of him.

He’s trying so hard… doing so much. he thinks, as he watches him. He feels like walking away. This was a mistake.

“Next!” she calls.

He looks at her, and sees the guy before him stumbling away, defeated, exhausted.

How hard he has been chasing her, trying to win her over, only to fail in the end…

How can I compare? But taking a deep breath, he steps forward, and approaches her anyway.

Back in Singapore

After almost half a year in Perth, I’m finally back in Singapore!

I’m still more or less acclimatising myself to the people (including my family, and my cat, who almost couldn’t remember me), as well as to the terribly hot and humid weather.

Went for a run this morning, and realised just how much I missed the weather back in Perth. I was perspiring like I hadn’t perspired in a long time.

I can’t wait to fully adapt and start life again.

On Exams and Love

I’ve got one more paper tomorrow, and I’ll be flying back to Singapore after that (on Saturday). The studying mood’s gone, but yes, I know, that’s a poor excuse for not studying, so I’ll be studying still.

Many of the Currie Hall people have left already, either flying back to their home country or returning to their homes in other parts of Australia if they have one, having finished their exams earlier on. It’s getting pretty quiet.

Changes in people

One of the great things about finishing your exams later is that you get to see the pre- and post-exam changes in people. People who finish earlier are so busy relishing that fact that they don’t quite observe anything anymore so much as they participate in it. We, the pre-exam people, just look on and wonder when it’d be our turn.

How far to chase a girl?

Yesterday, a friend and I discussed about the topic of love, or more precisely, the topic of wooing a girl. He mentioned that when you’re in love, you do all sorts of things that, on hindsight (and not so much in love anymore), would look really silly to a casual observer. I agreed.

I have always thought that love was a really silly game. But yet, even as I thought that, I conceded that knowing human nature, I was not incapable of those kinds of behaviour; and that I, too, have had sleepless nights and loss of appetites due to the romancing of the heart.

Take today for instance, when I came back from breakfast a little earlier than I would have just to see if I could catch a glimpse of ______. It’s not that I’m in love with this particular person (and hence trying to woo her (or am I?)), as much as there’s just a feeling of wishing to see her. (and no, I didn’t manage to catch her today.) The amount of love here would be probably considered insignificant, and yet, it was significant enough to cause changes in behaviour.

It’s a disproportionately large amount of output (action) from so little input (thoughts).

**********

This reminds me of an old joke I heard:

Q: Which is the strongest part of a person’s body?
A: The tongue. It can lift a woman with just a little flick!

An Imagined Love

She entered. She looked at me and smiled.

“Hello,” she said.

Up the stairs she went, and my eyes followed. I thought I saw her take a peek back at me. Had my eyes lingered too long? Does she know?

As she advanced up the stairs, she disappeared from my line of sight, and made her way down into my imagination, where my thoughts on her continued.

How I wish she knew what I thought about her. But then again, how glad I am that she doesn’t.

Love is funny that way, in that you never really know what you want.

And it’s even funnier when you really think about it, and realise that not knowing what you want is — oddly enough — really what you want.

It’s a joy in pain, in suffering.

Exam Update

I’m mid-way through my exams, with two exams down and another two more to go (next Wednesday and Friday).

My previous two exams were Marketing Information Systems (MIS) and Marketing Management (MM).

The first exam (MIS) was piss easy, especially after all the preparation I had done.

The second (MM) was decent, save for the one compulsory 30-mark essay question that reminded me of Britney Spears’ crotch: terribly open; the only difference being that one left nothing to the imagination, while the other, everything.

Big Dreams

She was born into a family of giants.
And a giant she is soon to be.
Giant-in-training, that is her,
The next giant is gonna be she.

They say whoever marries her
Would have to be a giant too.
That person would be a giant,
A giant he would be but who?

Then a little lass came by,
And said he knew who it would be,
A giant he sure wasn’t,
But he said, “it’s gonna be me!”