Currie Hall’s Good Riddance Dinner

Today we had a “farewell” dinner party for those who were leaving Currie Hall. I had quite a nice time, though I didn’t expect to. Today felt surprisingly nice right from the start. Somehow I just felt more comfortable being me, as if I didn’t have to put up pretences; but that meant… that I have not been myself all this while! that I have been putting up pretences! Well, perhaps.

A friend did a very nice thing for me today: he helped set me up with a girl! Well, it was really subtle, and it mightn’t be considered “setting up” in the strictest sense, but it was a very, very nice gesture nonetheless. I can’t go into the details for who knows who might be reading this, but heh, it was great.

May [his] God bless him. (and her.)

Currie Hall's Good Riddance Dinner

Today we had a “farewell” dinner party for those who were leaving Currie Hall. I had quite a nice time, though I didn’t expect to. Today felt surprisingly nice right from the start. Somehow I just felt more comfortable being me, as if I didn’t have to put up pretences; but that meant… that I have not been myself all this while! that I have been putting up pretences! Well, perhaps.

A friend did a very nice thing for me today: he helped set me up with a girl! Well, it was really subtle, and it mightn’t be considered “setting up” in the strictest sense, but it was a very, very nice gesture nonetheless. I can’t go into the details for who knows who might be reading this, but heh, it was great.

May [his] God bless him. (and her.)

Wind at the Beach

She knocked on my door and I opened it. “Hi,” she said.

“Hi,” I replied. “Come in.”

I liked her, but never dared show it. I didn’t want to appear coming on too strong. I didn’t want her to get the wrong idea.

***

I wish I could treat her like the wind at the beach: something to enjoy while it lasts, but of which I know has no consequence.

I just wish I could.

Living with Faults

I’m less tolerant and more stubborn than I thought I was. I’m easily jealous, and I’ve got a terribly skewed perception of justice and what constitutes what’s right and wrong.

Having problems, things upon which I may work on, makes me feel like I have something to look forward to.

I shudder to think of the day I fix all my faults.

On Asking a Girl Out on a Date

I have my reservations.
Analyse my contemplations.
Realise owing to my observations
Arise the usual doubting assumptions.

But putting it off to later
What may, now, may just never.
But doing it, thinking, “whatever”?
No, I’d rather put it off to forever.

But if it may,
What, then, would I say?
Maybe if loving you was okay?
Maybe, “darling, how was your day?”

***

The fear of an event,
Happening or otherwise,
Perhaps leading to love’s beginning,
Perhaps leading to love’s demise.

Studying

I’ve been upping the tempo of my studying lately. Exams are coming in about three weeks time.

Never before in my life have I put so much effort into my academic work! The amount of effort and time spent studying up to this point alone might rival that of Poly totalled, heh.

The funny thing is that I’m actually enjoying this.

Past-Present-Future

I *chanced* across some photos of an old friend today — and realised just how different she appears: familiar, yet not quite what I had imagined her to be. She looks so grown up now — a reminder that I, myself, am no longer the boy that was once in love with her.

It was just today that a conversation over lunch centred around the “uncle/kor kor” debate (“kor kor” meaning “elder brother” in Chinese). At what age do we stop being regarded as an “older brother” by children, and start being regarded as an “uncle”?

Looking through the pictures of my friend, I realised just how different it would all be if I had been closer to her; those photographs would have been familiar, and I would not find them as intriguing as I would find them normal. I thought that, perhaps, I might well have been in one of those photographs.

Ageing, when considered on a day-to-day basis, is a relatively slow process. You can never tell that you have aged over the days, nor can most people whom you are in regular contact with. It’s the people whom we have hardly any contact with that will provide the greatest insights into our true age, even if that insight comes from within, as it did for me.

Those photographs brought back nostalgic memories, and I thought back to the time I was 17. Would I have imagined her the way she is now? Would I have imagined myself the way I am now?

Almost immediately I was brought back into the present, thinking about the girl I was currently in love with.

I wonder if in six years time to this day, if I happen to chance upon her photographs, will I be in them? Or will I be reminiscing, as I am now, about a love that might have been? about a life that could have been — but never was — shared?

Judgement

Sometimes you do things and you’re judged,
And not always as justly as you’d hope.
Prejudices abound, and only because you
Think in ways they cannot comprehend,
Dressing and behaving in line with the cocktail
That is your history, your biology, your environment.
Who can say what’s right or wrong?
Certainly not they — they who proclaim that your behaviour
Leaves much to be desired; they who have no idea
What you went through, or go through,
Or will be going through.

It isn’t fair, I know.

Prejudiced bastards wonder why you
Do the things you do, and did the things you did,
Just like I’m here wondering why they have to be
Such idiots about it: let me judge them for you.
But I realise one thing — that they’re humans too.
They make mistakes, like they did about you;
I’m just hoping that they, too, realise that you’re
Human. And that’s all we can try to be.
Throw the stereotypes out the window,
Learn to see how we are all but the same —
Flesh and blood of our past; our present; our future.