The Girlfriend and the Close Friend

And so, one day, you decide to get romantically involved with some girl. For the first few days, weeks even, everything goes great. Your friends are happy for you, some ecstatic even, and they congratulate you on your new-found love.

But due to your commitments to this new-found love, you start spending less time with them. You don’t even notice it at first, but they bring it up to you.

“You’re spending all your time with her,” they say, trying to remind you of the fact that you’ve only known her for a year, while you’ve known them for 10.

When you think about it, you realise that (but never say aloud) that’s precisely why you’re spending more time with her.

One day a close friend quarrels with your new-found love. It just so happens they’re about to pounce on each other when you enter the room and stop them. She looks at you, hoping that you’d defend her, while he looks at you, thinking, “f***ing hell, if he says anything in her defence I’m gonna rip his head off.”

You look at them, and start thinking, “this is gonna be interesting,” and just stand there. They anticipate your next move, but your lack of moves leaves them both perplexed and annoyed. You understand one thing: whatever you do, whatever you say, whoever you choose to side with, you’re screwed. And so you just stand there.

You try to break the tension by telling a joke. Before you’ve even gotten to the punchline, you’ve managed to get them both on the same side. They start smiling and talking to each other again, and the conversation is interspersed with punches and kicks thrown in your direction. Though you hurt plenty physically, you’re glad inside that you’ve managed to get them to be friends once more.

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