Falling in love is, to me, an exercise in academia — business academia. Allow me to explain why.
First, let me open this article with the excerpt of the song, The Mind is Evil, by the Indie band Clearlake:
And sometimes I think
If I killed off my mind
Then my heart and I would be free
But somehow it knows what I am thinking about
And it’s always one step ahead of me
The meaning of these words are open to interpretation, but to me, I believe it is an lamentation of the mind’s way of stealing control from the heart.
If you disagree, then disagree, but keep reading, for this is not a literary discourse on lyrical matters, but rather how, like the protaganist of the song aforementioned, I find my head gets in the way of my heart.
Love at First Sight: The Cost Benefit Analysis
The Cost Benefit Analysis — is she good for me?
Within the first few seconds of seeing a girl, I will have to decide: is she good for me? What are the benefits of going out with this girl? Would she make a good trophy wife? Would my friends think well of her? Am I in this for more than the sex? and if I am, what is it that I am after?
Then we weigh the costs. What are the costs involved in wooing her? How much time do I need to spend with her? How much money would I require to win her heart? Do I need a car to do so? Would she be satisfied going for long walks on the beach? Does she eat out often? If she does, what kinds of food would she go for? How much does that kind of food cost? Once she becomes my girlfriend, what would happen then?
Further Analysis: Systems Theory
Systems Theory — what else in my life would be affected by my wooing her? by her becoming my girlfriend?
I would have to evaluate what else in my life would be affected by her in my life. The costs — they’re not stand-alone. They’re connected by a complicated web, one event leading to another. Perhaps I need a car to woo this girl, for she is high-maintenance, and demands to be driven.
So I buy a car, A$5,000. That’s not too much. In Singapore you’d find it hard to get a car (even a pathetic one) below S$20,000 (~A$16,000), so you might consider this a steal. But systems theory dictates that A$5,000 is not all you’d have to pay for a car.
By buying a car, you’d have to maintain it. So you spend money on it. Spending money on it makes you want to spend more time with it, because you don’t want to pay for something you’re not using. So you spend more time using the car. This leads to less time studying.
Less time studying means you get worse grades. Worse grades means you feel stresed. You’d be snappy, and not nice to be with. Your girlfriend realises this, and you realise she realises this, and so you try to recover by cramming at the end and doing well for the exams.
Nearing the exams, you look for friends for some study help. But you realise they’re no longer your friends as you’ve been spending all your time with your girlfriend and car. And so on and so forth.
Greener Grass: Opportunity Cost
Opporunity Cost — going for one girl means I forgo the next best alternative. (The grass is always greener on the other side.)
So I get the cute, hot girl. Unfortunately, her personality doesn’t quite fit mine. One day, while out drinking with some of my friends, I meet this girl, who’s not that hot, but with a personality that fits me like the Pokemon episode “fits” epileptic kids (it “fits” them, get it? haha!).
I start fantasizing about having a relationship with this new girl, and start regretting my decision for having the first.
And so, I stay away from love, and romance. It’s just not for me.
I think too much.
I love to read and write. Professionally, data science, technology, and sales ops are my thing. In my non-professional life, I aspire quite simply to be a good person, and encourage others to do the same. For those who care, I test as INFJ/INTJ (55/45?) in the MBTI.