Donn: Fragments, 2008

I was just thinking how nice it would be to write for a living — not fiction works, for that’s not something I’m either good at nor really passionate about, but non-fiction, self-improvement, finance literature, of which I am rather passionate about and am pretty interested in.

The problem here of course is that as much as the market is a pretty large market, I hardly see myself (yet) as one of the better writers; as one of whom has much experience or value-added thoughts to add to the already saturated world of self-improvement and financial literature.

And so I decide to not do it.

But after making the decision, I suddenly feel a little lost, and not quite knowing what else to do, especially with my free time.

I should really go get a job, one that allows me (at least in part) to do what I love. And then perhaps after some time spent in the finance sector I’ll be able to come back to freelance in writing, and actually feel like I’ve got something to offer.

A fantastic little video that everyone should check out.

I’ve been back in Singapore for about half a week now, and I must say that I feel absolutely like a retiree — but one that hasn’t got much of a clue what to do.

During the exams itself, there was much to do: which is just about anything that doesn’t involve studying. Now that the exams are over I’m feeling pretty aimless, and lethargic, and totally unmotivated to do just about anything.

I have decided to catch up on some reading, but even then these reading episodes don’t last as long as I’d have liked them to. And another problem: I’m not too sure what to read.

I suppose one of the things that I probably should do is to find out what I want out of life. I want to live my life such that when it comes to times like these, where I do not have any clear “external” goals, I’ll still have something to work toward.

Something intrinsically worth working hard for: I think that’s what I’m looking for.

As much as I wish I could tell you that you are the best girl in the world — or the prettiest; the most sexy; the most understanding; the funniest; or the kindest one — I can’t.

What I can tell you though, is that you are the best girl for me, and nothing will ever change that.

I wish I did that more; speaking up in class.

Unfortunately, the opportunity for that has gone, and my marks have been locked in.

Now, I’m facing an almost insurmountable hurdle in the final examinations to get the grade I so desire.

If I work hard now, will it happen?

But then again, should it happen? Maybe it’d be better if it didn’t.

Because it could be only then, faced with the disappointment of “the one that got away”, that I may start working on this weakness of mine I’ve had for so long, and finally eliminate the nagging doubts of whether I could or could not do it, and just do it anyway.